flux capacitor

I fell in love with the darkness
the kind of darkness no one mentions but everyone feels
the dread and fear at the back of your mind constantly
the darkness slipped into me and made a nest
feeling the dull hum of emptiness, like when you stare at a television screen in the middle of the night, eyes completely vacant and brain tired and broken
and you feel disgusted with yourself
the dirtiness of not having a thing to do
imprisoned by the night and told to stay indoors
you can’t break free and your mind won’t let you
the fogginess of waking up at 3am and the lack of will to guide yourself to sleep again
it’s like the static on the radio during the songs you never really listened to
turning the television on for the sake of having it on
as though there is comfort in inanimate machines
and your mind drifts to the cold places
the taste of blood and metal and sand and dirt
the endless ringing in your ears you cannot ever escape
the rancid smell of old buildings
your insides are cobwebbed and dusty
the life that once occupied the space is off on holiday
the kind where there is no round trip ticket
and you look at the cracks in your skin and the state of your casing and feel nothing
what is the point of upkeep
and that face you see when you close your eyes that you try to forget about but it comes back occasionally, eyes burning like furnaces and a smile that pricks your skin
all the blood goes from your face
you want to break free but how
what is want
or should you just stay here
in the repetitive cycle of the homeless sorts
and the ones that own homes are zombies too
the living are just as dead as anyone 
why should you want a life like that
working til your bones ache and your throat’s dry and dying like the rest of them, slowly but surely you’re dying too
and the food tastes like alcohol and the alcohol tastes like sweets
you’ve given up
that darkness is my angel, my friend
carrying a brick inside my chest would be easier than the burdon of the darkness
but you can’t escape so why try
there’s no end to the madness of corporate needs and endless purchases of infomercial items and modified food they tell you is healthy
who are they
why should you listen to them
are they like you, lost and only trying to do something right but missing the mark and falling back down to the ground floor of the endless skyscraper of the corporate system, all needs and wants and money and imprisonment, for what?
is anyone happy
the possessions are nice until you really inspect them
why is everything you own falling apart five years later
it’s a plan isn’t it
your whole life was planned out the moment you were born, the moment the government claimed your life when you took your first breath and the paperwork shipped out
you didn’t receive anything back
the letter from the people in the tall buildings and the old buildings and the great buildings where laws that changed the nation were passed
the three worded letter no one expects but everyone knows is true
from the government to you
YOU’RE MINE NOW